And the summer fades away quickly, the leaves change their colors slowly signaling the change of seasons and the most important time in my life. As per usual. The fall is my changing month, where i make the ultimate decisions that determine where i head from that point on. This point last year i was essentially where i am now. At a major turning point and the endless decisions rise up and the worry sets in and the determination to make the right choices all run through my mind. And it's a make it or break it, heart felt or heart broken taste that is in my mouth. There is an overwhelming sense of foreboding. Dont break any bones. Dont break any bones. Slow down. Speed up. Fast track to the rest of your life. What do you want? And do you want it bad enough to give it all away? I want extraordinary, i want passionate, i want intensity running through my veins. Let's not step too carefully.

You mind yours. I'll mind mine.

"Do you think before you speak? Do you think that i can't see, that you don't care for me?"

I had you down. I knew you by heart. Caught you so many times and still i believed in the good.
i did not see this coming. I was not prepared in the very least. And my heart broke a little when it came at me the way it did. And even though i thought i was long past caring...i am still hurt. As much as i knew it was all part of a facade i didn't want to think it would be let go so easily. I didn't want to think i was that forgettable. I didn't want to cry this much over...you. And so i push forth through it all...and lay claim to my heart and patch it back up. And let it swell. Bloom. Beat. Feel. I'll never let them get the best of me.

" Find a new chick and you'll treat her real nice. Take her out on the town in the moonlight. Oh you'll both have a beautiful time...if you only had a conscience your heart would be mine."

And even though i have the man of my dreams, i can't help but wonder what was so wrong with me that the men before...just got better when i was done with them. Why i built them into better men for other girls. Why they couldn't just do it for me. Why did i get the shattered heart time and time again..to the point where i am damaged goods and have barely enough to give to the one i have now.

Why am I the one who has scars and wounds and aches that just dont heal..

I wish i could just mind mine and let you mind yours but i'm so pretty when i put the damage on.
And i don't want to be the only one who cries these tears when i'm left alone with my thoughts. I'm just broken. And i'm realizing the extent of how ripped apart i am. And i hate you all because of it. I hate you S. I hate you S. I hate you P. I hate you A. I hate all those randoms... I hate you...i hate you....i just want to be okay with myself.