Thursday, May 27, 2010

I torture myself on a weekly basis by creeping his facebook. I know it's not healthy, i know it's not good and i do it regardless. At first it was just calming for me to see the same old status' i was used to seeing. The ones that were ever so endearing to his personality. And now i find it riddled with posts and comments from the girl i had warned him about. It bothers me to no end. It shouldn't, i should not care but i hate the fact that i can't speak to him, i can't hear his voice or see his witticisms. I did it to myself, i get that. I made it so we couldn't be friends but my goodness it is it ever hard to deal with. I want to be the one he is talking to...so bad. I want to be the one who is his friend. I tell myself to not get so emotional. To not let myself cry. But just because you don't see someone doesn't mean you suddenly forget them or dont still love them. And i do still love him. I just couldn't be in love anymore. My heart is always breaking about it. I assume with time..i will be able to mourn the loss of my dear friend and let go. I just wish i didn't have to.