Maybe my depression is all in my head. Maybe my obsession....to feel sorry for myself. I'm alive. And i'm aware of whats going on around here.Cause i'm a coward. I'm neurotic.
I'm sorry that i wont tell you anything face to face. Its just that everytime i see your face i just cant risk it...i cant risk that you might hear something you dont like and leave me. Like this weekend, i was so disgusted by your behavior that it made me sick to my stomach. The way i had to walk to earls in the rain, crying because you had wanted to stay home and sleep instead of stay with me. The way you woke me, in that condemning voice, telling me to stop shivering because it wasnt that cold.The way that my friends wanted to know what was up and when they did they asked me why i wasnt mad. Why wasnt i saying anything to you? And how my friend said it the best way that a bandaid isnt going to help that i need to express my feelings to you.How everyone was in wonderment of how you could be lying at home sleeping while your girlfriend is out in the rain. I couldnt stop crying and everyone knew what i was feeling and they were mad for me but i was just sick. Thinking if you cant even protect me while its raining then how are you going to when we move to Calgary? So i called you and asked you to come and meet me, i waited for an hour. Everyone looking and asking me where you were, finally i phone again and you say you are on your way but you dont bother to explain why it took you so long or why you didnt bother to call me and let me know you would be coming later. Then finally when you came i didnt want to talk about it because looking at you i felt my love for you taking over and although the pain was still there. I just kept on wondering, will he be there for me next time i need him.
I'd do it all over for you.
7:47 p.m. - 2003-07-07
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