With one hello i was sent crashing back into the time when i was the only thing that meant anything to him. When i was the one he cried for, when i was the one he longed for, when i was the one he would have died for. The nights where i sat crying myself to sleep, not eating for days at a time and withering in the pain of him leaving me and my depression.The days where he would come back and say sorry and i would believe him. The way he would fill me up with hopes and dreams for the future and then shatter those all with one movement.And now he says he owes me and now he says i saved him. I think the scar on your chest is the only thing you need to remember about me. My initials carved into you for a lifetime. You say that you want to see me again and you tell me that you are going to give S.and I round trip tickets to Europe when you move there. Is it yet another lie that will hurt me more?
Ebony&Ivory isnt hiring until Easter. So i'm apparently stuck at the pitiful job i have right now. The good news is i may not have to wait much longer until i find a better job. Having such a big family makes it a lot easier for me to find a job and on Tuesday i'm going to my moms hairdresser to get my hair cut and she says that she will look into getting me a job in a hair salon.She owns all the major salons in Edmonton so i have quite a large chance if any are hiring at the moment. If not i will search on my own for a new job because when i dont like something i dont keep on doing that. Either way i am quitting my job.
S. called me yesterday and we talked for maybe 10 minutes and then he had to go. That 10 minutes made me happy for a while...until i went to my room to go to bed. I was listening to my music and reading when i suddenly broke into tears. R. was all that was on my mind. I dont know how i am doing it without her....
1:58 p.m. - 2003-01-10
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