Shooting up in vain

When the going gets rough, I run, or hide behind my drug-induced wonderland.The saddest things, I can laugh at. The misery of a life thats going nowhere.The pathetic image of myself in a mirror.I make myself up so people wont suspect that there is a problem.I hide behind a facade. All i want to do is sit and cry, weep, let the teardrops fall. Instead i look for a quick fix, a quick way to make the pain go back inside. Can you understand the sweet seduction of drugs? The sweet release it brings only to crash you back into the harsh reality of what you are and what you have become? Is the going up worth the coming down? I dont ever want to come down.

When people ask me where i see myself ten years down the road. I give them a response a normal teenager would give, " Going to college and making a name for myself." What i think in my head is, " A junkie, selling off everything she can just to make money so she can get yet another hit." It saddens me...because thats not where i wanted to see myself. Thats not the first thing i wanted to pop in my head. I've gone so far down and i want to come up, its like a huge wave has wrapped me in its arms and is holding me down so i cant escape. I cant breathe, I cant see, I cant hear, I cant move.

People try to help me, explain that what i am doing to myself is wrong. I understand, i know somewhere in my sickened mind i do. I just dont seem to give a damn.Maybe its a phase or maybe this is my life for now and forever. Isnt it oh so lovely?

People are trying to say that R. commited suicide. I dont want to believe that, I want to believe it was an accident. If she commited suicide she must not have thought people loved her. She must not have thought i loved her. I try to make myself believe that they are all wrong, but what if they werent. Then i failed in the friendship department. Then i failed her. I failed myself.

I want to leave this city. I want to travel far away. I want to escape my past, i have no real want to confront it. I want to try something new. Get out of the hole i have dug so deep.Someone take me away.

Artist: Eagle-Eye Cherry

Album: Desireless

Title: Shooting Up In Vain

Waking up as the sun goes down

Body all in pain

Straight out the door to the worst part of town

Shooting up in vain

Slips all his money to the man

Here we go again...here we go again

Got bags of mercy in the palm of his hand

Shooting up in vain

So he heads for the closest rooftop

And now he's free with the skyline behind

But it won't be long until his high will drop

Then you know what he'll try to find

Such a shame

Now's he's back on that hunt for more

Body all in pain

Wanting to get back to where he was before

Shooting up in vain

So now he goes and sells his wedding ring

Here we go again...here we go again

But now he's sold exactly everything

Shooting up in vain

So he heads for the closest rooftop

And now he's free with the skyline behind

But it won't be long until his high will drop

Then you know what he'll try to find

Shooting up in vain

Such a shame

Such a shame

Down to bed as the sun goes up

Body all in pain

Now he swears he's going to stop

Shooting up in vain

He's Dr. Jekyll and he's Mr. Hyde

He's got to listen to that voice deep inside

Got a one-way ticket on a derailed train

Got a one-way ticket on a derailed train

Shooting up in vain

Such a shame

Such a shame

9:33 p.m. - 2002-11-06