Wednesday, June 3, 2009

They get what they want and they never want it again

All my thoughts revolve around him. His taste, his thoughts, his body, the way his arms feel when they are wrapped around me. His voice that will be stuck in my mind forever.The way he breathes when he sleeps...The only time i dont think of him is when i'm at work. And the only reason is because i have to concentrate on doing my job right.I dont think i have ever had a love that felt this right. So i dont have to work until after the 27th, i asked my boss today if i could take some time of for Christmas and he said okay. Which is good cause i'm going to be very busy during Christmas.Hmmm...lets hope this christmas is better than my last few christmas holidays. Sometimes i just sit around when theres nothing to do and i think of how my life used to be.Its changed so much in the past little while. Yes i may still be suicidal at times but not to the extremes i had before. I remember when all i used to do was sit in my room, and cry and cut. I'd cut for him, i'd cut for her...and i'd cut for myself.I'd pray for the courage to let the blade slice a little deeper, a little farther. Then i'd scream when i knew i couldnt do it. What has changed? Can anybody tell me that or will i have to figure it out for myself?

5:20 p.m. - 2002-12-19

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