Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Daddys little girl but daddy went away what does that teach me...that love leaves

I've said it before and i'll say it again. I seem to have this huge ability to just throw things away. I also seem to have the ability to totally crush and break peoples hearts when they love me and when i love them....these are some excerpts from my ex boyfriend M's diary. Read them and you'll understand what i mean. They start from the middle of our relationship to the end.

*Why is it that whenever everything starts to be beautiful again. It crumbles? Falls apart for no good reason at all, and you can't help it but just accept the fact that you were alone in this? Really don't know what to do now. Do some people just have bursts out that they just think it will never work? Or am i just doing something really wrong? Or did i really not deserve you. In the end i want you, need you, just wanna be with you... let me be with you?*

*Wish to be free

Fly across the sea

Get you out my mind

Follow me tonight

Love the way you taste

So sweet and tender love

Hold onto my hand

Let us fly above

To watch up from a heaven

Above the clouds so high

Sleep so soundless with my baby

Lay in my arms, drift and die

Wish to be free

Fly across the sea

Get you out my mind

Follow me tonight

Love the way you taste

So sweet and tender love

Hold onto my hand

Let us fly above

To watch up from a heaven

Above the clouds so high

Sleep so soundless with my baby

Lay in my arms, drift and die*

*She doesn't seem to see how she crushes me all the time.*

I love you so much, but you can make me cry so much.

*Last night, i could've ended it all, it seemed like the right time. But i swear i can't do it. I can't live without alexandria... I really just broke down last night and buried myself in pillows and cried my damn heart out. Whenever we have these confusing moments... Its amazing my heart aches so much it feels like its gonna rip apart. Why can she make me cry, make me wanna die, Shred my heart apart at the same time... I swear alexndria you're engraved in my heart forever, and i can't help but keep you there. *

*I'm thinking to myself, let me get over with it now, let me move on, let me destroy myself while i'm still young.

Maybe its going to destroy the perfect dreams we had together. But i know i'm not the perfect guy who you usually want... I had feelings it would work, i know it would've but i know its gonna be too hard getting there... I have to just get over you. Maybe we'll never talk again, maybe never see each other again... I just need to move on. I told you i'll never let go of you, and I never will... You remain in my heart baby.*

*I told you i'd love you always... And i will live by that promise.*

*I feel so helpless

Wish i could help

Wish i never even knew

Want to forget

Wish i never loved you

Seems to hurt a little more...

Everytime worse and worse

So complicated...

Want to return to reality

Can't find my way out.

Stupid beauty

Caught up in time

Left it all behind

Won me over

Feel so useless.

Frustration overtaking

Everything seems so fake

Wish it was a dream

So soon and obscene

Everything is just a dream...*

So i seize you

I like you

I need you

I want you

I deny you

I crush you

I lie to you

I bleed for you

I leave you

I break you...

What kind of girl am i?

1:07 a.m. - 2003-02-01

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