I'd try to empty my soul into your hands if i thought it was remotely possible that you would understand. You wouldnt though...no one ever took the time to understand like she did. No one was ever remotely close to figuring me out but her. She was the other part of me...the one that i always thought i couldnt live without. Yet every day that goes on i feel more and more guilty for not being able to have taken her place. Sometimes i think that i've forgone suicide and other times i just wish i had the guts to do it.Are you happier where you are now R.?
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Today i felt like dying. I got all my books together...that had anything that i had written in them. I started to print out this diary so that people would be able to know who i was even when it dissapeared.I even started to write a letter mainly to myself about why i had chosen to try such a thing. In the end i decided...wait until another day.Every day i tell myself someone gives a damn about me...and every day i find myself figuring out why the hell they wouldnt.I just want to slip into my own mind and stay there for a while. Cocoon myself in me and cry myself to sleep. I'll cry myself to sleep tonite...
12:58 a.m. - 2003-02-21
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