Honest faces usually come attached to liars

Ok well, on Friday we went to this play at my school, it was totally awesome and there were a lot of hot guys in it=) Me and Frenchy sat together and we were flirting with each other hardcore, not that i like him or anything its just fun to flirt. Later when everyone was gone we went to the store and got some smokes and we got into this whole deep conversation about how people want to be skinny and how lucky i was that i was so thin, he told me that he was trying to get thin although hes almost the same size as i am and that is quite small. He vomits after every meal and goes for days without eating, hes not sickly but i'm worried that he might become anorexic. I told him that i'm always here if he needs someone to talk to but other than that i don't know what to do.

It's official B. and I have issues. He emailed me after trying to phone and not getting an answer. In the email he said that he'd been talking to R. a lot lately( no surprise there) and that he had figured out things and that he was sorry for acting like a prick and that he loves me but hes scared. I don't have any idea what to do...i mean i like him but how the fuck am I supposed to deal with all this shit. God i mean i am already as messed up as can be without having people in my life being messed up too. Plus i love M. with all my heart. Then there's everyone else i have love for.I hate being such a caring person. Its a damn crutch.

Anyways these are two poems that i liked a lot, so here they are:

and all the world has turned away,

the gravestones glisten,the sky's turned grey

the mother cries, an empty womb,

filled with anger, sealed the tomb

sometimes the gun is a pacifier,

sometimes the truth will make you a liar

where did all the love go?

passioned prison, awakened bliss

cupid shoots his fucking arrow

no one thought he could miss

maybe one day i will use you,

maybe someday i will try,

can you make another whisper?

tell me another lie?

she bleeds all her passion,

killing all this poison,

raping the need for trust

abandoned nature, love turned into lust

sometimes the gun is a pacifier,

sometimes the truth will make you a liar

we sacrifice all emotions,

oceans bled with trust

this cancer will consume you,

make you start to rust

so tell me...

where did all the love go?

braided rope without a kiss,

cupid shot his fucking arrow,

how'd i know he would miss?

this bullet is a compliment

don't let it go to your head

it doesn't matter anyways

cause we're already dead

death games

russian roulette

no one gives a fuck

haven't met one yet

screaming, convulsing, twitching

my trigger finger was itching

silence the filthy whore

load it up, come back for more

choke, disembowel

bloody knives, tortured rape

give me something new

something i can hate

this bullet is a compliment

don't let it go to your head

it doesn't matter anyway

cause we're already dead

already fucking dead

we're so fucking dead

There's this great website and its http://www.colorquiz.com. Its a test you take and it tells you all this stuff and it is so accurate, here's my results for this time:

Your Existing Situation

Works well in cooperation with others. Needs a personal life of mutual understanding and freedom from discord.

Your Stress Sources

The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life.

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to her Your Desired Objective

Feels the situation is hopeless. Strongly resists things which she finds disagreeable. Tries to shield herself from anything which might irritate her or make her feel more depressed.

Your Actual Problem

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. Her inability to enforce her will causes her to over-react in stubborn defiance and by assigning to others all the blame for her own failures.

5:27 p.m. - 2001-12-08