I was dreaming blood was seeping through my pores

I feel as though i have some sort of defect in me that makes people hate me when all i want is love. I know i can be a bitch but everyone has their bad days. I'm trying to be a better person if not for someone else then for myself. I know...i should come first but i dont see it that way. I take everyone elses problems so that i dont have to deal with my own. In the end everyone is happy except for me. I'm not like this. I'm not this person. But i dont know what to do.I'm not as mature as i thought i was. I'm not as grown up as i could be. So i'll sit...and i'll cry and i'll weep in bitter self pity because i am a no one and all i ever wanted to be was someone.

GOD CALLED IN SICK TODAY

Lyrics: Davey Havok

let's admire the pattern forming. murderous filigree. i'm caught in the twising of the vine. go ascend with ivy, climbing. ignore and leave for me the headstone crumbling behind. i can't help my laughter as she cries. my soul brings tears to angelic eyes. let's amend the classic story, close it so beautifully, i'll let animosity unwind. steal away the darkened pages, hidden so shamefully. i'll still feel the violence of the lines. i can't stand my laughter as they cry. my soul brings tears to angelic eyes. and miles away my mother cries. omnipotence, nurturing malevolence.

9:02 p.m. - 2002-06-03