Truth becomes pain when it comes from a lover

I've started self injuring once again. This time though i'm not cutting, i've lowered to scratching until the blood flows freely and moved on to burning myself.I've also been hitting certain parts of me so hard that they bruise and the bruises last for days. Practically my whole body is covered in scratches and burns and bruises. I mainly burn and hit my wrists though. A few days ago i hit my wrists against my dresser and they bruised a really dark purple color. Surprisingly it didnt hurt that bad at the moment but now its hurting like a bitch. I burn my wrists too...on the inner part of it though. Right now my wrist is killing me but it doesnt feel like its coming from the burns it feels as if someone is holding onto my veins so that the blood cant flow and its all pushing to the surface. Its coming from the inside. When someone grabs my wrists i can barely keep from screaming in pain. They're really sensitive right now and i'm just hoping my step-parents dont find out.

I went and got my tarot read yesterday and the reader told me a lot of things that peaked my interest. First she read my hands and said that i am going to have many children and a good marriage. With my husband we will own more than one property together. She said that i have a strong life line but it seems as if i'm restricted from some things.She also said that a big change is coming in between now and when i am 18. Then she read the cards. She said that i would make a wonderful dancer and that i sing for fun but should take it up professionally. She said that she could see me in the public eye a lot, something to do with modeling. She said that i've had a lot of pain in life and at the moment i feel confined and confused. In the middle of the reading she stopped and looked at me for a minute and then she asked me. Who used to be yelling a lot in january and what was the big change that happened then. Well it was my mother who was always yelling and january was when i ran away for the first time.She told me that that situation seems to have toughened me up and made me want to be more independent. Then she said that i was very sensitive and that little things made me explode into extreme rages. She told me to be careful with those because they could lead me somewhere dangerous. She saw that i would be getting money but i wouldnt be working for it. Then I asked her about my love life and as soon as i said that she flipped the card that has a heart with swords through it. She said that i have suffered a lot of heartache from someone i loved. I said yeah and she went on to tell me that i would move on and find someone who suited me better and that was worthy of my love. She also said that i have 3 male admirers that i already know and one that i will meet as soon as i start working. She also said i should be back in a normal school system because i like the social aspect and that i enjoy competing with others. Altogether i think it was a good reading.

Kiss Off

I need someone a person to talk to

someone who'd care to love

could it be you could it be you

situation gets rough then I start to panic

it's not enough it's just a habit

hey kid your sick well darling this is it

you can all just kiss off into the air

behind my back I can see them stare

they'll hurt me bad but I won't mind

they'll hurt me bad they do it all the time

yeah yeah they do it all the time

I hope you know this will go down

on your permanent record

oh yeah well don't get so distressed

did I happen to mention that I'm impressed

I take one one one cause you left me and

two two two for my family and

3 3 3 for my heartache and

4 4 4 for my headaches and

5 5 5 for my lonely and

6 6 6 for my sorrow and

7 7 for no tomorrow and

8 8 I forget what 8 was for and

9 9 9 for a lost god and

10 10 10 10 for everything

everything everything everything

8:38 a.m. - 2002-06-05