I wish you were here

To Him,

The first day i met you i didnt consider you anything but my friends nice boyfriend. I remember how i had a habit of calling you doll and you told me not to because it made you feel old. I remember how i laughed at the way you didnt like that word.I was trying to get you to stay with my friend and i guess it didnt work because you ended up with me. I remember how i felt when we broke up that first time. It was a mutual thing but i still wanted to be with you but i knew that i had to let you go. You know the saying if you let them go and they come back they're yours forever, well that seemed true to me when you came back the second time. We hadnt talked for a long time and then you said hi and a smile lit my face like no one else could ever make me do. Pure and true i really liked you. So we became friends and i remember all those conversations we had...we'd talk for hours about nothing and everything and it was special to me. It was something that i had never had before....I could tell you anything and i didnt have a fear that you would scorn me or judge me. I fell in love. The days i didnt talk to you i felt emotionally drained and didnt want to think about things other than you. I never really knew i was in love until a few months ago. It was true love as true as it can get. We wanted to be together forever, i wanted to be your wife, i wanted to have your children. We talked about what our lives would be together...how happy we would be.I honestly only wanted to be yours. I know i was always questioning but thats how i am because i have been hurt. I try to explain to you but it doesnt work. So you left me and i was heartbroken. The pain was worse than ever...I was angry and i was hurt and i didnt know what to do, so i cried....i cried day and night for days and i tried to move on and forget you. I planned on having sex with all these guys because i was on the rebound but then i reminded myself something that you taught me, whether you know it or not you have made me a better person. I am not going to do these things to harm myself because i am a better person than i was before. You helped me see what i am, you looked beyond the surface and even though you are gone now and i have forced myself to move on. I will always remember you and love you. You're always in my heart.

Ani Difranco

thirty two flavors squint your eyes and look closer i'm not between you and your ambition i am a poster girl with no poster i am thirty-two flavors and then some and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head cause someday you're going to get hungry and eat most of the words you just said both my parents taught me about good will and i have done well by their names just the kindness i've lavished on strangers is more than i can explain still there's many who've turned out their porch lights just so i would think they were not home and hid in the dark of their windows till i'd passed and left them alone and god help you if you are an ugly girl course too pretty is also your doom cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room and god help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from the ash a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just flying past i'm not trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you and i would like to state for the record i did everything that i could do i'm not saying that i'm a saint i just don't want to live that way no, i will never be a saint but i will always say squint your eyes and look closer i'm not between you and your ambition i am a poster girl with no poster i am thirty-two flavors and then some and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head cause someday you might find you're starving and eating all of the words you said

8:54 p.m. - 2002-06-11

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