If you think you know what i'm doing wrong, you're going to have to get in line

My shoulders arent strong enough to hold all these burdens. My mind is not in the right state to take it all on. I cried today, i'm crying right now. I dont know what to do...I dont know how i'm supposed to feel. I try to be everything to everyone. You need a shoulder to cry on...come to me. You need someone to take your anger out on...yell at me. You need someone to blame...blame me. I'll take it all just so that you can feel better. When do i get to feel better? Who's going to let me cry on their shoulder? R. was always here for me...and now i dont have anyone.I cant cry on anyones shoulder, they just dont understand. When will i find someone that gets me the way she did?I dont know if i ever will...I just want to rock myself to sleep forever.

I might be pregnant with S's child. Did i want this? No...not one little bit. I have doubts about our relationship already...now what. I'm not going to leave him. I fell hard and i fell deep and i just keep on falling. I'm in love with everything about him...even when what hes doing hurts me. I try and do everything to make him happy...I try to be a good girlfriend. I take the hour and a half bus rides to his place no matter how cold or how tired i am. I dont mind. I cancel plans with my friends because i know hes jealous. I dont mind. I meet his friends...because he wants me to. I dont mind. I ignore his comments about girls he has crushes on. Even though it hurts. I stop smoking weed because he wants a sober girlfriend. I dont mind. Am i not doing enough? He says he loves me, i believe him. He says he'll follow me wherever i go. I believe him. I put my trust in him. Am i wrong to do that?

H. goes around making bets with people about how long mine and S's relationship will last. She says that i made her do drugs more. She says that i dont love sterling, i lust after him. She tells my mom i am a heavy duty drug addict. She tells Mindy things about me and S that are personal. What kind of friend does that? Should i drop her? Should i drop him? Should i drop them both? Can someone please give me their opinion...i really need it.

Is there anyone that understands me...is there anyone who will even try?

4:18 p.m. - 2002-11-13