we are the youth of a nation

sit here in the dark with just the light of my computer screen shining on my face...illuminating the vision of me. I sit here as i smoke my cigarette and contemplate the meaning of life as my hands shake and my stomach aches. I sit here and listen to the music that strikes a chord in my heart even as my head pounds...withdrawal...have you been through it? Its as if your dying inside, as if your insides are corroding and your brain just wont stop going into over gear. You have no control over your body...it twitches...it shakes...it dies. No matter how hard you try it just wont stop. I cant get it to stop. All of me is in pain...not just the outside...not just the inside. My soul aches as if it was a material part of me.You want to scream, you want to cry, you want to bleed, you want to be high. You want self control. I need self control. Will you watch me? Is death an option worse than this?

I wrote this when i was high and i find it to be morbidly delicious.

Tie the band, once more round my arm

Slap the skin, till the veins come out

Let the needle do its job

Take the pain away

It always goes away

No thoughts of her

No thoughts of love

No thoughts of family

Just a pure high

The angels lick my skin

As the devil fucks me hard

The sweat glistening along

his fragmented body.

I'm on cloud nine

Never coming down

Its an orgasm times by 2000 and 1

Do your job

Do your job

The needle steals the pain...

I've finally realized that i am a drug addict. I am not afraid to admit it. I am not proud of it. Yet i dont feel dirty because of it either. Some do drugs, Some have sex with random people,some cut. Its all self destruction. I have done them all. Am i obsessed with my own demise? Am i just broken? Or am i both? Sometimes i run my fingers along my face...sometimes i have to pinch my skin. Just to make sure that its not a nightmare i am living in that it is my life. My hands feel like someone elses...

I know a liar

I know her well

She'll smile to your face

while bringing your life to hell

She'll tell you shes right

just so that you are wrong

She'll kiss you so sweetly

and then she runs and tells

She'll bring herself in your life

then try to take over you

Take your place

leave you unglued

She'll torment your mind

She'll play with your heart

She'll start a story

and she wont ever stop.

You can barely recognize it

until its too late

then you're lost

far out in space.

11:35 p.m. - 2002-11-14