Its an angry road down forgotten highways

~An entry to those i loved who destroyed me bit by bit only to have me come out stronger than ever.~

V- I was young and you my dear were old enough to be my father, in fact you were close to my fathers age. I didnt find anything sickening in it at all.I was just coming into my teenage years,what the hell did i know??Now all i think of is what a fucking disgusting pedophile you were and most likely still are. Guys like you never change, guys like you should fucking rot from the inside out. Night by night i would live by your every beck and call. "Why werent you home last night??" "Why didnt you try and get ahold of me" " Why are you such a fucking slut?" And i was in love. I was as lovesick as they come. I tore myself inside out trying to be everything for you. I would sit and cry night by night thinking of the names you would call me, the words you said that tore every strip of worthiness from me. Then you would come and tell me that you fell in love with my words and i would be back to the beginning, thinking everything was alright. It wasnt alright. I was fucking 14 years old! You had no fucking right to treat me like you did...i remember telling you to grow up...do you remember the letter i wrote?? The one that told you to grow up, the one that called you a liar, the one you beat me up over? I was right. At the tender age of 14 i had more intelligence and more fucking guts than you ever will in your whole fucking miserable existence. And you didnt even have the guts to hit me in the face, always where no one could see. Did you think i wouldnt tell someone and that they would believe me over you?

XxHow many more broken hearted tears can she cry before she realizes it was you that wrong?xX

T- Strong arms to fall into...a construction man who promised me everything i could have ever hoped of. Marriage and beautiful children and a house to raise them in. I should have been thinking about raising myself first. What was the age difference again? Wasnt it something like 12 years? No no i'm sure that was it. ((breakdown of the system)) I talked to her you know...i bet you didnt think i would. I bet you thought i would believe all the bullshit lies that you fed me. She loved you. She really did and i bet you anything your poor wife is still with you even after everything i told her. She was insecure and you, you were a fucking prick that took advantage of that. DID YOU THINK I WOULDNT FUCKING TELL HER!!!! I wanted to fucking cut out your heart but instead i sliced up my wrists. All because you lied to me about being married. All because you were a self indulgent bastard that thought trying to find love with a 14 year old girl while your wife sat home with her head in her hands crying her eyes out because you treated her wrong.

XxFake those tears my love, tell me you love me dear, cut your fucking heart out and dry my tearsxX

A- I took the razor and i sliced your name into each of my fingers...i placed them perfectly so they lined up in a row...and all i could see when i looked at my hands...was you. I put them there to remind me of who i was broken by, i put them there to remind myself of the dignity i lost by being with you and i put them there because i knew in time they would fade completely away.Just like you would.Just like you have. Another broken love, another disaster. You named her after me and she died. Those three months you just disappeared out of the blue, you know those three months you were fucking your ex-girlfriend. Yeah do you know what i was doing. Losing all my sanity. Lying on my bedroom floor...not bothering to get up when the phone rang. Slicing my arms up every few minutes...crying until i thought i would vomit up my stomach.Not bothering to eat, sleep, or even drink. Staring into space because you...YOU...promised me more than anyone ever had, you had treated me better than anyone. I was completely yours. Maybe it was your insanity that drove my mind to break into the little pieces it did, it didnt help matters when you carved my name into your chest. It didnt do shit all. I had been damaging myself from the moment you left and still when you came back into my life. The pills, sure they blurred everything, the weed sure it made everything lighter, but your memory was still carved into my fucking brain and at times i wondered if i cut out my brain if your name would be there. Knife on bed, Knife in hand, Knife on skin, Knife covered in blood and me lying there covered in it all.

XxI told you one day you would wake up to find me dead because of you...but just to let you know I'm fucking stronger because of you, you are a piece of fucking dirtxX

1:14 a.m. - 2003-06-13

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