Little girl lost

Sorry for not updating for so long.Bad me. I spent the weekend at S's and when i came home i didnt really have any inspiration to write. I dont have any write now but i didnt want to neglect this diary.

I was talking to this guy that i havent talked to for over 2 years and he remembered how i wanted to do a documentary on the homeless in edmonton. It reminded me of that 14 year old girl who was always depressed but wanted to show people and myself that it could be worse.The one that wanted to make people aware of what was going on in edmonton that we never take the time to notice and when we do...ignore. I miss that little girl. I never did end up doing that documentary though...i just involved myself heavily in drugs and completely forgot about it until now.Now even though i want to do that...i dont have the time or the energy. Its too bad really...

I was supposed to go see my ex-girlfriend C. today but unless i can get a ride i'm not going the two hour bus ride is not worth it to just hang out for a little while.Plus i'm going to the northside tomorrow anyways to go to my moms house.

Valentines day is coming up and i dont understand what all the fuss is about. Its just another one of those holidays where companies make money by selling chocolate and teddy bears and hide it behind how much we should show our love on this day. Why this day? Why not any other day? Its pathetic.

"Changes"

[1]

Come on come on

I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself

is life worth living should I blast myself?

I'm tired of bein' poor & even worse I'm black

my stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch

Cops give a damn about a negro

pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero

Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares

one less hungry mouth on the welfare

First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers

give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other

It's time to fight back that's what Huey said

2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead

I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere

unless we share with each other

We gotta start makin' changes

learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers

and that's how it's supposed to be

How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?

I'd love to go back to when we played as kids

but things changed, and that's the way it is

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]

Come on come on

That's just the way it is

Things'll never be the same

That's just the way it is

aww yeah

[Repeat]

[2]

I see no changes all I see is racist faces

misplaced hate makes disgrace to races

We under I wonder what it takes to make this

one better place, let's erase the wasted

Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right

'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight

and only time we chill is when we kill each other

it takes skill to be real, time to heal each other

And although it seems heaven sent

We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh

It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact

the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks

But some things will never change

try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game

Now tell me what's a mother to do

bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you

You gotta operate the easy way

"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way

sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid,"

Well hey, well that's the way it is

[Bridge]

[Talking:]

We gotta make a change...

It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.

Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live

and let's change the way we treat each other.

You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do

what we gotta do, to survive.

[3]

And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace

It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East

Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs

so the police can bother me

And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do

But now I'm back with the blacks givin' it back to you

Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up,

crack you up and pimp slap you up

You gotta learn to hold ya own

they get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone

But tell the cops they can't touch this

I don't trust this when they try to rush I bust this

That's the sound of my tool you say it ain't cool

my mama didn't raise no fool

And as long as I stay black I gotta stay strapped

& I never get to lay back

'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs

some buck that I roughed up way back

comin' back after all these years

rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat that's the way it is uhh

[Bridge 'til fade]

12:20 p.m. - 2003-02-12