Love and all its worries

So, here i am in calgary. I've been here for awhile now but just havent been able to get to a library to update. Anyways, things werent going as good as i had expected them to be. Before i left i was disillusioned with thoughts that everything would be perfect, that finally S. and I would be living together and that everything would be exactly the same as it was at the apartment. Well trust me, thats not the case at all. The first night we got here i slept alone, S. is working almost every night now so i barely get to see him except for in the few hours we have before he goes to work and i get of work. I have been stressed, depressed and in a state of constant heartache. I miss my mom with a passion and although she did come up to visit me twice, i still cry almost every night out of my need to be near my mother. My loneliness is at an extreme and since i know no-one here that adds to the fact that i am by myself. Sometimes i wonder if i should have come to Calgary in the first place but there is no turning back time and i will not leave here without S. so alas i am here. I will try to make the best of it, but i have a bad habit of being hard to satisfy.I think i put too much stress on S. to have everything perfect and i dont mean to but that just always end up happening. He is trying so hard yet i cant seem to make myself happy for him.I love him so much and you should see how hard he tries. Its adorable. God, i dont think i could live without him.

6:15 p.m. - 2003-08-26