Never meant to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry

I got off the phone with S. last night and all i thought was..."I cant make him happy" I cant seem to do anything right in his eyes. I'm immature, paranoid, money-crazy...and on the list goes. All we do is fight and i dont know how to change that. I wish i could but i cant. It just feels like he doesnt love me anymore and I started feeling that way on Friday. I'm not christian, so according to him i'm going to hell. Now thats not what he said that bothered me, it was when he said he would see R. again and I wouldnt. Ever since then...i've been thinking if you loved somebody...you wouldnt purposely try to hurt them. So why does he do shit like that to me all the time? Then hes always saying i need a different boyfriend. Now he used to do that and i expressed the fact that when he did that it felt like he was pushing me away so i didnt think he'd do it again. I realize though maybe it is another way to push me away. Maybe he wants me to leave him...I always end up depressing him or making him mad, so what is the point in staying? Besides the fact that i love him and i dont want us to fall apart from each other. I can see it happening already though and i have no idea how to stop it. 12:18 p.m. - 2003-03-04