Hold onto yourself as fast as you can

Shes everything but beautiful. Shes everything but clean and real and pure.

Take it for as long as you can and then jump off the deep end. You never really were special, you never really were important. Not to him. Not to them. Shes crawling on her hands and knees, shes taking in every word they say, whore, slut, heathen, tattooed on her soul now.Play your silly little games, pretend you're not the same. When you look in the mirror do you see yourself as a replica of anyone that will spend a little time on you. A replica of the person they are, you are hidden, you have no identity.You never have, mirror image of everyone you touch, mirror image that is about to shatter into a million pieces. Maybe you would be better off dead, because what kind of existence do you have if everything you are is exactly the same as the one person who shows you the most attention at the time.

I want to live in that fairy tale world i've made in my head. I sleep and when i awaken the only thing that i see and feel is death. Except when i'm with him. Sanity can take control and i can just love him for that time and that place. Forever and ever. Wrap myself in his arms and in his thoughts, entangle myself in the words he says. Feel warm.Feel loved.

How did it feel to know you were taking your own life? Was the suicide glamour all you imagined? I sit and cry for what you did. I sat there waiting for you. I cried for hours, you said you'd be right back. Be right back. And then i never hear from you again. Staring into the distance as people try to explain to me what happened and all i hear is your crying in my head. I cant get it out. Did you cry out? Did you stay silent? Did you feel me hold your hand?You were so cold. So cold. So unlike you.So gone from me.

10:59 p.m. - 2003-05-13