Love me or hate me but spare me your indifference

Oooh, so much to talk about right now. hmm, first thing, B. asked me out on November 10th, i said yes and we are still together, i have no idea why though! He's always calling me stupid and all this other shit and he says he's teasing but i'm not so sure that he is, and he doesn't talk a lot and i don't feel like i'm connecting, but as it is with relationships like this, we stay because we believe that the abuse means we are really needed. How odd we humans are.Oh and how deceiving some of us are, the temptation of beautiful people is too much for a girl like me. Here's my explanation...a week ago i slept over at my best friends house. This is the usual thing that happens on weekends, anyways we went over to her current love crush type thing's house. His brother and one of his friends were there, and they knew that us girls were bisexual.That idea turned them on, funny things seem to turn guys on. While we were there my best friend asked me out, I said yes. I'll explain more about her in a second. Then we told the guys and they were cool with that. Then her and her guy and me made out together. Then later on we played truth or dare and i kissed his younger brother, he's 14, i'm 15. He then felt me up, now this is quite a turn around from me and B., but as you can see i have a problem, I cheated on B. and i have yet to tell him. Also besides having R. as a girlfriend I am now going out with another girl named V., and my friend S. wants to set me up with a girl named Sam. Now, this may seem like a really mean thing to do to B. and i know it is but i do like him a lot, but the fact that we don't connect is more than i can take, I think i might break up with him, just to be fair. R. has been my best friend for 2 years, she's short and she's got blond hair and green eyes, she's petite and a major hottie, lol. Then v. is also short and she's got blond hair and blue eyes,she's very cute. Hmm, anyways onto my home life, i had a major breakdown with my mom, she went to the police station and i am now in the "system". She also phoned my dad and told him he was going to have to take me, i talked to him and my grandma and i now fully believe that they are crazy, they were preaching and saying the devil has caught hold of me but that the angels whispered in my ears, ick! They are weird. Anyways, school life...is good. Theres this girl named Mare though and i despise her with all my soul. She's not attractive, she's not funny, she's not right. Theres something wrong with her and i can sense it. Anyways i was talking to her and she was saying that i was really trampy and that i was always all over the french exchange guy(he has a g/f) I am going to have to talk to her about this on Monday, because i respect myself and i am never all over a guy, me and frenchy are just friends. I suppose she is just jealous, but where does jealousy leave you? How crazy life can be. More to come...

1:46 p.m. - 2001-12-02