Its funny how things work out. Your relatively happy in love one moment and the next moment your whole being is shattered by a few words and every single broken piece of glass is jabbed slowly and precisely into your heart.Every single breath you take afterwards is marred, every thought is mind stakingly painful and every touch people give to comfort you feels like razorblades being dug into your skin to the very bone. And the desire you once had to love is now sucked back into your now blackened soul. No matter what you do you will never be the same.And if you are as i am, you will fall into the same self destructive paths that you had been trying to stop in the name of love.Its not to blame whoever was at fault for the murder of something that you thought was beautiful, the mind and body are now just showing you that what you thought and perceived was wrong. I am now in love with the idea of my own self destruction. I will wear the leather, I will wear the chains and i will use the whips. Anyone to come my way will be under my spiked heel because i am sick of being the slave. I'm dangerous when i know what i'm doing.
I was fighting with my brother D. Hes my least favorite brother and he was choking me so i grabbed a knife and stabbed it towards his leg, its too bad it only scraped along the side. Next time i'll be sure to hit dead on. I'm sick of that bullshit.
9:31 p.m. - 2002-05-26
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