So cold

Your hand gripping onto mine tightly as you died a sudden death, last words to each other, "I'm sorry." As your eyes close and your body goes slack. I awake from this dream about you,crying and sobbing and what do i hear but my mother yelling at me, "Whats wrong?"I dont say anything for fear of not being able to shut up once i start and yet again be reminded of the reason for my crying in the first place.After she keeps on yelling, her tone of voice going angrier with each word, i tell her i had a dream about you...She tells me to go back to sleep and thats it. So i sit there for the next few hours crying silent tears and staring into the darkness of the blanket pulled tightly over my entire body and think about how cold it is with no one to hug and comfort me after i wake up from a bad dream.The next morning i wake up to my mother yelling that its all my fault that she's late because i woke her up with my crying in the middle of the night. I apologize but at the same time i call her insensitive. I'm not really sorry but at least it shuts her up a tiny bit.

Later on I went job hunting, i had one interview at La Senza in Ed center and i have the second one tommorow. I hope i get it then i can get out of here and be closer to S. Plus, the sooner i get a job the sooner we move out on our own. So i will bust my ass to be the best at any damn job i get.

Tommorow night I am stuck. My mom just informed me she doesnt want me to be in her house tommorow because shes having company. So that leaves me with no place to sleep tommorow. *sighs* I just love it when my mother plays head games with me

6:25 p.m. - 2003-04-08