I'm trying to be so fucking hard. When all i am doing is lying to myself. I'm not hard, i'm not strong and i have no faith in myself. I scare S. about breaking up because i'm scared of myself and what my fucking idiot mind thinks about. I want to be with him for the rest of my life but then i get scared because i've invested so much of myself and i've made myself so vulnerable that if down the road he decides to leave me that i'll just break.Its like i have no independence and i dont want it. I want to be able to depend on someone. Especially someone that i love with everything i have.I dont even know who i am anymore. I've changed so much and so fast in the past 7 months, and its all decided to run up and bite me in the ass all at the same time. I am a horrible person when i cant even make my boyfriend understand how much he means to me. Hes always saying hes a bad boyfriend and i cant seem to get it across that he is the most amazing person i have ever met. I cant make myself happy anymore.
~They say they're better than you and you agree~
11:23 p.m. - 2003-04-29
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