And i understood what had been broken. I knew that i held that power. It's not something that i wanted to do. I am not proud of it. I am not happy about it. But the reaction, the cruel and immature stylings that proceeded forth from his actions and his mouth....disgusted and frightened me. This man who had been the symbol of strength and safety had yet again showed that he was capable of something so beneath what i thought he was. It burned but it assured me...i had made the right decision. I deserve to be safe. I deserve to be loved and not taken for granted and while i may be a handful and more than the average person can care for, i am worth more.

So i went to my first counseling session. On my quest to find truth and a level of peace...perhaps a sense of knowledge about why i might deal with things the way i do. It revealed more than i thought it could that quickly...BORDERLINE. Borderline personality disorder. Not yet diagnosed because i now need to see a psychiatrist, not just a counselor...but my goodness does it ever explain a lot. All i want to do now is move forth and move on and get the help i need. I want simplicity in whatever form i can have it.

I want to do right.