And i'm tired of all the words.

Nothing feels like my own. Everything i touch is someone else's. And i'm confined. In a home. That has turned into a prison. And i don't even know how it turned into this. I wonder when the warmth and the happiness i felt turned into a bitter shell of itself. Did it slowly slip from my hands? Or was it at a certain point in time...something that was so obvious that i decided to look over it, but that was the single thing that turned all of this into the mess it is?

In the beginning i thought it was perfect. I thought it was exactly what i needed. The person who was just like me. The male version. We were a great team, bringing out the best in each other it seemed. Everyone saw it coming. I think i even knew it before i met him. And then when i did,it was like the breath was taken out of me. I recognized what he was from the instant our eyes met. Like we knew each other in another time. Perfect. It was. It all felt right and complete.
And i thought it could never go wrong. I knew it was real, i knew it was forever, i had no doubts whatsoever.

And now this. This weariness, sadness, trying mess. Tension, dislike, jealousy, want. Want for what we had. Want for what i thought it would be. Want for the life i thought he could bring me and that i could bring him. And oh god, i just don't know what to think anymore. I don't know how to feel anymore. I just want to stop feeling so numb about it all.

1:27 p.m. - 2008-12-04