I feel like my entire life has just been a waiting game. the clock always chiming in my ear...tick.tock.tick.tock But what am i waiting for? I am lost. This seems to be a reacurring theme for me. One for which i have no answer or conclusion. One that has no ends...just beginnings. I'm not myself. I'm not sad...i miss my depression. I miss being able to just write and write and spill my guts out and cry. I dont anymore. I smile a lot. This happiness is new to me and while it is welcome in a sense...in another sense i wish it would give me a break so that i could just drink and write and cry and not need a damn excuse besides...I'M SAD. I need companionship. I need friends who dont have drama. I need to win the lottery. Sometimes i have these dreams and i just want to stay in them forever because they are so carefree. I want to be carefree. I want to jump on a plane and go somewhere warm. I want to breathe in icy cold air and feel my fingertips start to go numb. I want to be me and have people enjoy it. I want to have friends that will come down to see me even if its just for a coffee. I want to go out and play pool. I want to stay in and cuddle with my man. I want everything.

10:54 p.m. - 2006-09-27