There was no reason for me to expect anything would come of it, there was no reason to believe. But i never really need one. It's a fly by the seat of your pants feeling that i just do not feel comfortable in giving up, for the idea of not being hurt by my hopefulness. I give in, i indulge, i feel every single sensation that comes from that feeling. Every time it comes along, it's new and it's exciting and i fall for it. My skin tingles, my heart races, my hands become numb, i feel whole. I feel invincible. I feel. And the comedown is so much easier than any drug i have ever snorted, smoked, popped. It is slow, it is gradual and while my heart hurts, it is still okay. There is always the next time to think about. Like an obsession but not so dire. I write it out. I leave it behind. I leave you behind.

12:35 p.m. - 2007-10-18

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