Can you show me beauty?

Do you ever wonder if the places in your dreams are alternate universes to this one? If maybe these things you see are glimpses of what could be happening to you and others, just not in the moment you are living in? That terrifies me in a way because if the things that happen in my dreams were then the "other" me would be even more depressing than i am. On the other hand though if thats true than i have a lot more to be happy about here....

I slept over at S's house yesterday and when he tried to kiss me i would start giggling like crazy. I dont know why it just didnt feel right.Anyways he fell asleep and after he fell asleep thats when i really wanted to kiss him*sighs* There is something wrong with me. I was thinking about it and i figured out how this relationship is different from my others. When i felt like i was in love before i always had my eyes on someone else...but i denied it. I always said that i was in love but felt that there had to be something more to the whole "love" thing. I think i was just fooling myself. In a true and pure form i feel like S is my first love, just because of the way i feel about our relationship and how i want it to be. I love him with all i have and all i really want to do is be the best person for him.

I'm going through change in my appearance, its not that major, i'm just getting my hair dyed black from the red. My glasses will be exchanged for contacts which will change my brown eyes to gray. My hair was cut, its length shortened.Now all i gotta do is get the piercings i want...

Anyways i love all you on diaryland who have supported me and the ones who still are. You mean a lot to me, if you know it or not.

xoxoxo

Me

6:29 p.m. - 2003-01-15