I have met this wonderful girl and we went and had coffee together which was awesome. She is such an honest and open individual, there is nothing i find shifty or wrong. We are already in the process of meeting up again for another "date". I think its what i needed... a friend that wasnt S's friend first. Someone who can have a completely unbiased opinion when i need a sounding board. I dont have friends of my own really and meeting new people i am usually with S so of course it becomes our friend and not my friend. It's weird meeting someone off of nexopia but at the same time i'm glad i took the chance and did it. I want friends that are mine, friends that know me better than they know S. I want to be selfish in this because sometimes i feel...too dependent on S. Its hard being the one who doesnt make any money. Sometimes i'm tempted to go and work just so that i can have some money but even when i was working thats not the way it went. All my money went to S anyways. *sighs* I dont know. Sometimes i wonder what its like to be the one who has the money and the say of where it goes and when. I find myself wishing a lot that i didnt have to ask for money to go and get a magazine from the store and i dont even bother asking anymore. I ask my mom a lot but that just makes me dependent on my mom for my luxuries. I dont know if i will ever have money to call my own and use at my own discretion, that is a terrifying thought.

12:54 p.m. - 2006-04-15