She cuts down on her lovers, though she dreams of them every night

I'm at my friend S's house right now, shes sleeping right now but i wasnt able to sleep. Thoughts kept running through my head, louder and louder as the night went on. I told my mom that i wanted my father to give up parental rights so that my step dad could adopt me, they both said okay but i have still not talked to my dad about it. I suppose he'll be upset but i cant do anything about that, i've been upset about not seeing him for more than 10 years, i honestly could give a fuck less about how he feels at this moment in my life.

On monday, i have a psych appointment and then i have to go to CASA house to see what its like. I dont think i'll end up in it anytime soon but my mom still says i have to check it out.Home life is better than before, theres not as much fighting between my mom and i but my brother and i fight like cats in heat. *sighs* what can you do?

I talked to M. yesturday and earlier in the day i had said some things i needed to say but things that hurt him. I felt so horrible and then when he was getting over what i had said i sent him a song that made it even worse. I dont know whats going on between us...i just wish it could have stayed the same as it was before all these things started happening.

I broke up with V., i dont know if she knows yet because i wrote her a note and dropped it in her locker. I know not the greatest way to break up with someone but i didnt feel like doing it in person.

Oh yes and i met this guy named Jeff and S. and i were supposed to go meet him yesterday but we are both really bad at turning down people so he was phoning like every five minutes and we'd pick up the phone and kill ourselves laughing and then hang up. He didnt appreciate that because he than called me a bitch and got all pissed off. You cant win them all.

Well that about sums it up...so heres a song that i thought oddly resembled me.

LOLITA

Lolita

Almost grown

Lolita

Go on home

Hey girl

Don't be a dog all your life

Don't beg for

Some little crumb of affection

Don't try

To be somebody's wife

So young

You need a word of protection

Lolita

Almost grown

Lolita

Go on home

Hey girl

I've been where you are standing

Leaning in the doorway

In your mother's black dress

So hungry

For the one understanding

Looking for a token of

Blood or tenderness

Lolita

Almost grown

Lolita

Go on home

Lolita...

6:20 a.m. - 2002-03-17