You're running out of reasons, you're running out of faith. and promises are nothing. They're broken as they're made

These are some poems that i wrote when i was 13 and 14.

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Embellished in the soul

Tangled in this paradise

I took it all away

For one moment

And you snapped beyond containment

If you dont understand now

Its not like you ever will

But after everything you do

I still love you

So close your eyes

And make a wish

Because i'm not going to leave

And you arent going to cry

and our lives will fly by

The stars are out tonight

Grander than our visions

And you'd think we'd go somewhere

You'd think we were smarter

But we arent

In our simplicity though

We can be geniuses

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Shes never gonna go

Anywhere but here

You saw her all alone

With her fears and all those tears

She tried to drown me out

She tried to close her mind

But thats just cant be done

We are one of a kind

I tried to watch her back

I tried to make it clear

She always wanted to know

What we were doing here

'god has grander visions

he has lots in mind'

God is not real

And you and I are one of a kind

So dont go searching for

Something make believe

Because its not going to help

These visions that we see

They arent from above

they arent from beyond

We made them with our minds

We'll sing the same old song

Emma

Emma doesnt fit in

Acid tears stain her cheeks

Life is a never ending void

Pressures to be normal

Pressures to fit in

Pressures to become sheep

So sickenly normal

She wanders through life

On the high of depression

Wringing her hands

Twisting her hair

Biting her lips

Staring into as window of opportunity

That she cant see

So now as she sits in her room

I hand her a beautiful gun

Engraved into it is the saying

'Innocence rapes us of our courage to

destroy'

She is not innocent

She knows what to destroy

We hold hands

We sing her lovely tune of pain

and loss

and love

We cry and cut

We think and wish

And realize that life is not worth it

She holds the gun to her temple

and asks me 'Did Christ ever have it like this?'

She pulls the trigger and i close my eyes

Her life is over

I cradle her in my arms

And realize that I must leave

Because she is me

And I...

I am you

I dreamt about S. last night continuing onto this morning.I dont remember much of what happened but in the dream he died. In the dream i remember feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. The next dream i had was of me being murdered by my husband who had set fire to my house while me and the children were in it.My dreams are such fucking downers.

4:50 p.m. - 2002-12-27