One bullet in this gun. Not sure if it's for you or me

M. has decided not to talk to me anymore. He said it just gets more painful each and every time. In one of the last conversations we had he said that a song called save yourself by sense field reminded him of us. I downloaded and i cant stop listening to it because its the last of the beauty i will know of him. This is how it goes.

Sense Field

Save Yourself

Turn out the light

Just say goodnight, to yourself

May I remind you

When you find you, you're all alone is when you've got to be strong

Cause that's when they call you, in the night

He's got your picture in his mind

He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime

Is it really true

Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you

So many times we just give it away, to someone who

Someone who you

Met in bar

The back of a car

And for a moment you felt important but not in your heart

My self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low

I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me

I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you

So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name

Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me

Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name

Cause I want to learn, can you save yourself for

Someone who will love you for you so many times we

Just give it away, someone who, couldn't even remember your name

You save yourself for someone who, loves you for you,

Loves me for me

Give it away to someone who, someone who will

Cherish your name

Cherish your name

I know i said i was done with crying but i guess not.Every time i think of him they fall down my cheeks again.I've been talking with my friend treavor and he tries to cheer me up and he tells me how beautiful i am and how i would be the perfect girlfriend and that anyone who leaves me is a fool. The thing is...i am the one who makes them leave and i cry every night knowing that i made the one person i loved the most right now leave. Tears dont do shit but my heart feels like its breaking and i cant help it anymore.

10:01 p.m. - 2002-05-27