Seeing through bloodshot eyes

So long it has been since i last wrote in here. Much has gone on. I'll start off from the day i turned 16. ...sweet sixteen but it wasnt so sweet. My mom phoned the cops on me and told Julie not to let me leave the house.Well, i left anyways...i called up my friend Stacy and told her to find me a ride. She got this crack dealer and his two buddies to come and we smoked some weed and hotboxed the car.These fuckers had to make a whole bunch of stops and they beat up some guys while i was with them but it wasnt a big deal. Anyways i spent the night at S's and then the next night we had sex. Heres how it happened...i was lying on the floor and he was on the couch. H. was sleeping and he told me to come cuddle. So i went and cuddled with him. I have a bad habit of gyrating my hips when i'm trying to fall asleep and forgot to mention that to him. So obviously that must have turned him on or else we wouldnt have had sex. We did it twice that night and he asked me out on the 25th at 2 in the morning. We've been going out for a month and a week now and although things werent that great to begin with, they are fucking great now.The only bad thing was that in the beginning of the relationship...i thought he was cheating on me. He and our friend H. would be cuddling and shit all the time, and they'd take naps together.In our bed...*sighs* so i was all paranoid and bitchy. I just didnt want to say anything because i didnt want him to be all thinking i was a jealous bitch. I am a jealous person by nature but i dont like showing it. Anyways, they stopped cuddling, to my knowledge.I'm in love with him....i'm tired though so i'm going to go but i'll add the rest onto this entry later. ....Continued....... I realized that living with a girl that is your friend before you live with her is fucking hell. When H. and I werent living together, things just seemed so much easier. We got along good and everything but when we lived together, we fought all the time. Most of the time it was just stupid shit, we'd get annoyed with each other and be all bitchy towards each other. H. also has this habit of talking about people behind their backs. Which from what i hear she did it all the time to me. It pisses me off so much because i'm trying to move beyond all that high school bullshit.Then along comes this girl that just talks smack all the time. I cant stand having friends like that but we had our moments, i confided in her and she confided in me. I dont know how much i can trust her with though. I also quit school, i havent been in school for quite a long time.I know thats not the best thing to have done, but i had no motivation to go to classes or deal with all the drama. My life is so fucked up right now, i smoke weed almost all the time and i know i shouldnt. I just do it...i dont know what i'm doing to myself. All i know is that i have someone i love and thats all i care about at the moment

9:50 p.m. - 2002-11-01