Hello again! I bet you guys weren't so sure that i'd be back but this youngster is a trooper. I ran away not with R. though since she decided to not come and not let me know she wasn't coming. The entire time she was telling me she was going to come she was lying and i hate being lied to. Its not like i would have hated her for not coming i would have just gone with the flow, its the fact that she lied that pissed me off. Anyways, i did leave, i left at lunchtime to get my stuff and we won't go into details about what went on there in case someone like R.(who likes to rat me out) reads it. Um...lets see...i went to the mall with some people and i got my boyfriend to meet me there. We hung out for a while, me enjoying my new found freedom and my friends enjoying my company(j/k) then everyone left except for texas and me and we hung out for awhile and when he had to leave i was walking him to the bus stop and we made a detour to an abandoned area and we had sex i call it having sex and not making love because i don't love him and he doesn't love me but it wasn't a fuck either. Anyways he left and not going into details again but i ended up sleeping in a park all night. God that was cold, lol.It was okay because i found a nice little slide to sleep in and i had food and my smokes and A FLASHLIGHT, yes indeed i had a flashlight=) I woke up and hung around for a while and then i found my way to V's house, they let me in and i washed up and then her mom took me to Crisis, a help center thing, then she drove me to the social services office, all this i wanted to do...i'm not the type of girl who would stay on the street unless i had a good reason. Anyways, tons happened and social workers came and i ended up spending from January 8th to today at my grandma's house, hearing her say that my father was bad news that my friends were bad news and that i liked to hurt people. God i just wanted her to shut the fuck up, but she didn't. All i did the entire time i was there was talk to my aunt H., sleep, eat, and watch t.v. It was quite depressing and i had a lot of time to think things over. I went to a psychologist today, she seems nice, i have to go to a psychiatrist later today also. I'm leaving my school most likely and homeschooling but other than that i have no idea whats going on. Oh, one thing i left out....My mom was searching for me the night i left and R,, my supposed best friend decided to try and rat me out as good as possible. I wouldn't think that she could do something like that but she told my mother everything about what i do, the drugs, the pills, the drinking, everything!! I can't understand why she would do such a thing and frankly i don't give a shit. I don't need friends like her, i can't take friends like that and i will let her know that as soon as possible because she broke my trust for the last time and its final now. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, do i still love her? of course but never again will she be able to do anything to hurt me again. Then theres M. and hes totally pissed off at me because i'm having sex with people when i say i love him, but i really do love him but since we broke up its left a hole in me and i try to fill it so i can't see why he would get mad.I don't want to be without him, i don't want to go through my life knowing hes not with me as a friend and whatever else may come of that. I don't know what to do.i just don't want to be alone.
1:16 p.m. - 2002-01-15
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