I can't say i dont love this feeling of being a mom. It amazes me how strongly i feel for this child and what i would be willing to do for her. I think it is the greatest feeling in the world and yet it is tainted as many things in my life seem to be. I am scared...more than scared...that i will be judged by S's family. His sister just had her baby as well and i feel like i will end up being compared to her. I dont want to be compared to someone like that...i dont want to be compared to someone who is so absolutely two-faced especially when it comes to the way i take care of my child. I know i will be a good mom...i have a lot of faith in that but i worry that people will find fault somewhere. I am fragile. I dont need this.

10:09 p.m. - 2006-05-06